


Saudade

by sunshoyo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Armin dies, Character Death, Eremin - Freeform, Erwin eats bertholdt, Erwin was chosen to be injected, Friendship, Gen, Hatred and Confusion, Insubordination, Love, Loyalty, M/M, Ocean, Post Canon Season 3 Part 2, Post Shiganshina, Wall Maria - Freeform, dilemma, dont copy to another website, implied Eremin - Freeform, survey corps, titan shifter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshoyo/pseuds/sunshoyo
Summary: “𝘐 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦.”
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> Saudade; The feeling of longing for something or someone that you love and which is lost.

Mikasa’s breath was caught in her throat. Fear sets into her until the pain in her head throbbed. The four other people, two sprawled and two standing across each other trapped in a bloody atmosphere. The air of battle had not dissipated despite the retreat of the Beast Titan who confronted Eren earlier.

Her hands fumbled and immediately fired the flare, propelling the red smoke across the morning sky. Her heart has dropped into her stomach, eyes wet with tears and her lean body trembling in apprehension. She couldn’t describe it.

Was it fear? Was it a setting trauma?

It was disturbing the peace she constructed in her mind. The body burnt and toast, emitting a fiery smell of pungent steam. That unidentifiable burnt body right there...

Was it Armin?

Images of Armin’s smile were vivid in Mikasa’s violet eyes that her heart shattered even more.

_“Eren and I will handle Bertholdt. You and the others finish Reiner. Have faith in us.”_

Feelings of losing her best friend, her treasured one was overwhelming her. A surge of strength rushed into her grips that the blade was rattling against her OMD gear.

That’s Armin? Is it really Armin?

“Captain, Give me the injection so Armin can eat Bertholdt and turn him into Colossal Titan!”, Eren shouted. His arms tackling the unconscious Bertholdt, roaring at the male drenched in blood himself.

He was reluctant.

Mikasa saw it clear in her eyes, though blurred by tears with every blink. Her lips quivered, strangled sobs choking her throat. Her soles were glued on the sturdy roof. Although her knees were wobbly, the only thing anchoring her on the roof was her heavy heart.

Levi’s hand was slow.

“I knew I would find you here!”, a hoarse voice greeted. He climbed onto the roof with another body strapped on his back.

“I think the Commander’s alive” Everyone went silent and Levi’s hands retreated. His hands clutching the serum onto his beating chest tightly. For a moment, his eyes flickered with hope seeing Erwin.

“His insides were scrambled but I think. I think— the injection will save him.”, Floch continued, exhausted in his tone. Limbs and muscle sore after the arduous climbing.

“Captain.”

His feet instinctively brought him into a standing position. Eyes not breaking from staring into their superior. There was a tingling sensation in his heart that he knew this was so wrong.

“I’m using this injection on Erwin.”

“Just now. You said. You’ll use it on Armin.”

Levi was speechless. He was bold and daring in nature but it was at this warp of uncertainty which daunted him.

_Erwin or Armin?_

What are the odds of humanity surviving if Armin was saved?

“Why were you hesitating earlier, Captain?”, Eren gritted his teeth. His body is now pressing closer to Levi as if to halt him from moving any further. In short, Eren dares to grapple onto his last thread of hope just to save Armin.

The most unexpected of all was when Levi punched Eren away from him. The other standing Ackerman fled into fury, her hands now an inch away from Levi’s neck. Her scream was sharp and almost a wail of a beast in pain.

“Please give me the serum...”, her eyebrows furrowed together. Her sharp eyes staring deep into Levi’s. Both of their godly strengths were incapable of canceling each other and collided together to form a leverage. The other pulling and the other pushing.

Eren felt hopeless. The burn marks had not yet subsided from his face completely. Even his body was only recuperating from the blow and fight earlier.

“Mikasa. Don’t.”, Hange had appeared. Arms now pulling Mikasa away from Levi. She struggled and cried, in pain and in desperation.

“I, too, wish to bring my dead comrades alive.”, Hange persuaded. The grips tightened and caged Mikasa into an embrace. It was so soothing yet so cruel.

“EVERYONE CLEAR OUT! I’LL INJECT ERWIN AND LET HIM EAT BERTHOLDT”

Fear was evident in their faces. Only Mikasa and Eren cried in anguish. Their eyes never leave Armin’s scalded body.

The wind sweeping their hair and whipping salt onto their eyelids were slow and comforting. As the sun rises from the East of Shiganshina, sunlight spilling and erasing the blue hues of dawnbreak. They said the darkest hour is just before dawn yet why is it darkness was an inevitable loop to lapse into the further they fled.

Once Eren reached atop the wall, every drop of hope in his body vanished. They soon retrieved Erwin’s body from the nape of the Mindless Titan shell.

Erwin was reborn.

Eren saw how Armin’s body slowly turned solid rock, and soon there were no longer shallow sighs or hitched breaths, there was only silence. Still, Eren reaches out, carries Armin’s corpse with care, burying him next to the river, with a pile of Irises.

“Armin. I always knew you were the bravest one.”

On this mattress of flower and fragrant soil, Eren caressed Armin’s face one last time. Fingers tracing the familiar dents and curves of his cheekbones, he was afraid to hold for the fear of shattering his already fragile and cateurized body.

Eren retracted his hands once he was able to lift his gaze away. Holding Mikasa’s hand on the other, squeezing for strength. Mikasa was aghast. Her own body leaned to the shady tree nearby. The act alone as if beseeching the undead and still nature to provide her strength. Once again, the notion how cruel and beautiful the world was shook her.

Mikasa recalled Armin and how they all were once innocent children, sitting at the edge of the bridge, staring into the clouds and sky, laughing and sharing food. Sometimes, Armin’s fascination made Mikasa smile because he was the very essence of the beauty of this world. Yet, the opposing force of cruelty must snatch him from her.

In the battle of humankind and morality, philosophies stand strong. If not for Armin Arlert, how far will they reach? Was it not for him that life was a bit meaningful? Mikasa’s steps were light and unhinged, the weight of lives was heavier than usual. Is this what it feels to lose a comrade? Some lives are more worthy than the others, it was a bitter pill to swallow.

It was a habit of Eren’s to stare on the ground every time he grieves. He looked at the hands which touched Armin one last time, and noticed some pieces of blackened ashes on his palm. Eren bit his lip, tears flowing relentlessly again and he could only whisper to it silently,

“I promise we’ll see the ocean one day.”

**Author's Note:**

> Saudade is a Portuguese word and perfectly captured what I intend to convey between Eren and Armin’s relationship. 
> 
> Follow and talk to me on twt: @yuzushimmer


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